Insults
by embracing
Summary: Alicia has the hots for Lee. The twins know. Will they use it against her, or will all the insults possible cover Alicia’s eyes from the obvious? [Oneshot]


**A/N: **So this is one crazy oneshot that I wrote on account that I'd never seen a fic based on Lee Jordan or Alicia Spinnet. If you see one, give me a shout out. So this is totally new water for me to tread, and some of you may hate it, others may like it. I've written it in a really different style, and the whole thing is really different for me. Anyway, this sort of came to me during the night, I was thinking up insults because I couldn't get to sleep. Weird I know, but I couldn't think of anything else to do, and I was really sleep deprived. So once your finished, press that little blue button down the bottom, and tell me what you think.

**Summary: **Alicia has the hots for Lee. The twins know. Will they use it against her, or will all the insults possible cover Alicia's eyes from the obvious? Oneshot

**Insults**

You'd think that Lee Jordan, friend of the two famous pranksters of the school, would be able to get a girl. Or at least have enough sense to be able to tell when a girl has the hots for him. I mean seriously, doesn't hanging around Fred and George have that sort of affect on you? You'd think so wouldn't you?

But unfortunately, it is false in Lee Jordan's case. Lee Jordan, lets say, couldn't pick up a "chick" if his life depended on it. Or so the saying goes.

I'm thinking these bothering thoughts when a small rolled up piece of paper comes flying towards my face. It's just about to hit my head when I hear a "THWACK". Oh no.

'Oh yes,' says Lee Jordan behind me. _Did I really say that out loud? _I wonder before confronting my current position of lying on the floor, a chair limp on the ground beside me. Phew this has been a long day.

'Miss Spinnet…' I hear the beginning of a very long lecture by Professor McGonagall and notice that no knight in shining armour has come to collect me from my damsel in distress mode. So I help myself off the floor and return my chair to its former position before sitting in it. McGonagall seems to be happy enough and sets us a task.

Her lecture was something about going back to the very basics for our N.E.W.T.S. all the teachers are doing it at the moment. So it turns out we are doing the levitation charm Wingardium Leviousa. We're going so far back I'm surprised we're all not apes.

Now, I know, your all going, she's got her thoughts muddled up, McGonagall doesn't teach charms. But no, I haven't. McGonagall is taking over for Flitwick, due to an accident he had in the library. He was looking through the ancient volumes, when he lost his balance and fell straight into the open page, a book more than twice the size of him mind you. The force of him falling caused the book to close straight on top of him.

Fred and George have made it their job to make as much fun of him as they possibly can while he's out.

Meanwhile the rest of the class have performed the charm with an easy flick of their wands and are now staring into space, taking quietly amongst themselves, or annoying the hell out of others. McGonagall seems okay with this, as long as she gets her reading done.

A scrunched up piece of paper is thrown over my shoulder and lands on the table in front of me. I growl and chuck it back over my shoulder, smiling evilly as I hear it hit its target.

'Omph.'

'She didn't open it.'

'Got quite a shot though doesn't she, considering she didn't even look behind her.'

'Yeah Fred, probably because we've chucked so many papers at her, she already has a fluent habit of chucking things behind her head and managing to hit the person who chucked it in the first place smack bang on the head.'

'That was a mouthful.'

I tune out of their continuous ranting. It gets quite boring after a while.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and look to see George, and the two others looking at me intently.

'So Alicia, we saw your magnificent fall just then, and Fred and I were thinking… Should you really be on the team, if you can't even dodge a piece of paper without falling off your seat?'

I smile sweetly at them.

'Yes, _Feorge _but really, should you be on the team if you can't bat the bludger without knocking yourself out first,' I say, referring to our last practise.

'Ooh, harsh tongue she's got,' Lee says.

'As quick as a fox I'd say,' comments Fred.

'At least I can still hit the bludger,' George says still up for the fight.

'At least I can still score the goal,' I return.

'And the match is on, the prankster Feorge against the quick tongue of Alicia, who will win?' Lee starts.

'At least I don't spend half the morning on my hair.' He has me there.

'Has Feorge beaten the ever stunning Alicia?' I smile.

'At least I don't fancy Angelina.'

'Ooh, she's hit a tough spot there.' But George hasn't even flinched. He leans forward in his chair until his face is barely inches from mine.

'At least I don't fancy Jordan,' he says quietly. My face drains and George looks triumphant.

'I believe I have won boys.' And luckily enough McGonagall tells us all to pack up and go to lunch.

---------

That afternoon, on my way to the Great Lake I hear the sounds of murmuring voices from the corridor, I look down and see Fred, George and Lee talking urgently. I creep slowly closer. Normally I would leave it, but I'm still peeved about this morning's match.

'Look mate, all we're saying is that all your doing is hurting Alicia.'

'What the hell are you talking about?'

'You have to tell her mate.'

'Look guys, you may have that smoothness with the ladies right? But the problem is, I don't hang around girls.'

'Right and I'm a gorilla.'

'Well…'

'Shut up Gred.'

'Sorry Feorge.'

'Yeah, we know we have it with the ladies, but don't you pick something up?'

'No.'

'I believe you then, are in a pile of shite.'

'Excusing all French of course.'

'Tell me about it.'

'Look just walk up to her and ask her out, can't be that hard, can it.'

'Yeah, I guess not.'

'So come along to training tomorrow, she should be there. If she isn't Oliver will kick her arse.'

They start moving off and I stand in shock. Lee was going to ask someone out tomorrow, and was hurting me in the process. What could that mean…

He was asking some gorgeous model from The Wizard Wham! and Fred was going to bring her to training. That's what it meant.

Have no idea what it had to do with Oliver kicking her arse though. Then it hits me.

It also means that Lee knows that I have a major crush on him.

The Dickweeds! The Pooh-bum-heads! Insults, I need insults! God was I going to give them something they'd never seen before when I next saw them.

--------

'Dickweeds!' I shout as I storm up to them an hour later, finding them lazily lying by the Great Lake. Thankfully the Lee is not present.

'Pardon?' Fred says pompously.

'You're such Pooh-bum-heads! Can't keep a secret?'

'Alicia, I have never heard such rude words form from your mouth!' exclaims George, adopting his twins tone.

'And keep a secret she said, George!'

'What nonsense is this girl talking of?'

'Shut up the lot of you. Can't you just keep a secret this once? Why did you have to tell Lee?' I say. And suddenly, it all comes crashing down. I had wanted to seem angry, but now I have collapsed onto the floor tears streaking down my face.

'Alicia, what's wrong?'

'What did we tell Jordan?' They say, patting my back soothingly. I frown, most guys would feel very uncomfortable in this position. But then, the twins aren't most boys.

'Why... did you… have to… tell him I liked him?' I say, hiccuping on my words.

'Well Alicia,'

'If we didn't,'

'Who would?'

I hate when they do that. End each other's sentences. It's like they're two bodies, one brain.

'How did you find out anyway?'

'I heard you talking in the corridor.' They both immediately stiffen.

'What exactly,'

'Did you hear?'

There they go again.

'I heard enough to know that tomorrow at training Lee's going to ask some model from The Wizard Wham! and he's hurting me in the process. Oh, and something about Oliver kicking the model in the butt.'

'What?' they both ask in unison. I sigh.

'I heard enough to know that tomorrow at training, Lee's going to ask some model from The Wizard Wham! and he's hurting me in the process. Oh, and something about Oliver kicking the model in the butt,' I repeat.

'Right, and you,'

'Took off your pants in the process?'

'What?' I ask Fred horrified.

'Hmm, wasn't thinking that one Fred.'

'Telepathic message must have gone haywire, finish what you were saying then.'

'Right, and you got that how?'

'Well you started off by saying that all Lee was doing was hurting me.'

'Yeah,' they nod in agreement.

'And then you went on for a bit talking about how good you were with the ladies.'

They both grin goofily and nod encouragement.

'Then you said that Lee should just walk up to her and ask her out.' Again nodding. 'Then you finished saying that she'd be at training tomorrow and if she wasn't Oliver would kick her arse.'

'Say arse again for me Alicia?'

'Why?'

'Because you look like a pirate when you do it.'

'No!'

'Aw, come on.'

'Don't give me those puppy eyes, I'm still really pissed that you told him.'

'But wait a moment. You got all that crap you said about the model, from that much of the conversation?'

'Yes, and I know it's true so don't bother denying it.'

'Alicia, don't you think it's a bit over the top?'

'Well, he can't be asking any other girl out, Katie's with Oliver, Lee wouldn't ask Angelina because you have the major hots for her, so that's all the girls that would be at training.'

'You missed a girl.'

'What? Who? Tell me George or I swear you won't have your face in the morning.'

'But I quite like my face.'

'Yes, it is quite beautiful.'

'Shut up you insufferable twits!'

'Say arse for me one time and I'll tell you.'

'Arse,' I sigh.

'With feeling!'

'Arse!'

'That's the stuff!'

They get up and start heading for the Great Hall.

'Wait, where are you going, you haven't told me who!'

'She's just in front of your nose!'

Arses, like she's at my nose. I look around and see no one. Bastards.

--------

_Arses! Bastards!_ I think when I'm lying in bed. It's one the morning and I still have no idea who that girl is. I've asked them about it again and again, but they keep coming with the same answer. Arses!

Each time they say it, it's like I'm the stupidest person on the world. Grr… I can't stand the insufferable twits.

But seriously. Maybe the fact it's unrequited love that's made me loony. Because really I'm starting to think that I am. If I can't think of a single girl that would be at training then I really am dim.

I mean, there's only seven players at training. And only a couple in the stands, no regulars either.

Ah! It's driving me crazy! I stop thinking about it so I can try to get some sleep. But that girl seems to be haunting me. I put my mind on other things by thinking about insults for the twins. So far I have: the; godforsaken nincompoops, imprudent scaly harlots, arrogant loud beaters, stupid cheese balls, feeble-minded cross-dressing buttheads, hypocritical crackpots, salivating apes, dweeby bigots, loud dysfunctional buffoons, hypocritical bungweeds. Ah, now that I've got that off my chest maybe now I can get some sleep.

--------

You know, you'd think that after calling Fred and George… a lot of insults, you'd be able to get some sleep eh? After thinking those thoughts and concentrating? No, not for me. I was still up all night thinking about that girl.

It's the afternoon now, and guess what? I think I've had an even worser day than yesterday. Did I just say worser? God, even my English has gone flying out the window.

Today I have:

Knocked over three knights

Broken six goblets

Fallen over twice (not including when I bumped into Hagrid and fell over)

Bumped into Hagrid and fallen over

Got a wand jabbed in my eye

Got stuck in the trick step four times

Gone as bright as a tomato each time Lee has looked at me

Adds up to a really crap day. Because of this, I have decided that I shan't go to training for fear of further humiliation. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see Lee ask that girl out. Really it doesn't.

Don't look at me like that.

I know that Oliver will kick my arse for it, but really. I don't care.

I hear urgent footsteps and the portrait hole open. I look up from my current position of staring intimidatingly at the fire to see Fred panting and leaning against the portrait frame.

'What?' I ask, going back to the fireside.

'Okay, we have managed to convince Oliver that you had a meeting with Dumbledore about something private- why aren't you in your quidditch robes, or at least running about the place getting ready?'

'Why do you think Gred, I'm not going.'

'I thought this might happen.' He strides over to me and gives me an apologetic look before slapping me on the face. I looked at him shocked.

'Why you little godforsaken nincompoop… and an imprudent scaly harlot… and an arrogant loud beater… and a stupid cheese ball…a feeble-minded cross-dressing butthead…a hypocritical crackpot…a salivating apes… a dweeby bigot… you loud dysfunctional buffoon!' I chase after him screaming the names I had thought of last night. He grabs my quidditch robes from the table and runs down to quidditch pitch.

We enter the changing rooms just as I finish my last insult. Everyone looks up at me in shock. George nods his head, understanding.

'You went for plan B?'

Fred nods back and gives me my robes. I sigh and get dressed muttering under my breath. Fred and George keep giving me small little glances.

By the time I'm finished everyone's out there. They're talking amongst themselves. I swoop down towards them.

'You are so going to pay you-'

'Time to go!' Fred shouts and soars into the air. The bungweed.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Lee walk onto the pitch. Crap.

We train, I do badly but good enough. We pass the quaffle amongst Katie, Angelina and I. Then we take turns to shoot. Surprisingly, I get every goal in. Mainly because I'm so pissed off.

Then for the end we switch around positions to have a bit of fun.

'I'll be beater!' I say enthusiastically. Fred and George look at each other sickened.

'No, you know what Oliver, I think we're fine where we are.'

'Nah, lets move around. I think it's great that Alicia wants to be a beater, she'll get to see the game in a different perspective.'

Fred literally goes green as he passes me his bat. I smile pleasantly at him.

Katie goes to be my other beater, Harry goes as keeper, poor boy, Angelina goes as seeker, and the rest of the boys go as chasers.

Oliver lets the balls lose and we play. The aim for the beaters is to keep the bludgers away from our teammates. I let this slide.

I fire a bludger at Fred with all my anger in it. He dodges it and looks back stunned.

'That's the stuff Alicia! Just try to hit away from your teammates!' Oliver calls.

_Just one more._ I aim at George, it skims his broom. I smile.

Oliver calls us down to have a Team Chat.

'Alicia, I know your trying your best, but you seem to be heading for the twins, you aim away from them, yeah?'

'Oh, I just thought they should get they're dodging into practice!' I say falsely sweet. The twins smile back with forced expressions.

We hit the showers, and as usual the guys are out before us girls. I take my time before picking up my robes and heading for the tower.

Then I hear the all to familiar voices of the twins.

'Ignore what we said before Lee, just go straight for the kiss. We were completely wrong.'

_Crap! I have to get out of here. I don't want to see this._ I sneak out, hoping with all my heart that they won't see me.

'Alicia.'

I keep walking, hoping Lee will give it up. He doesn't.

'Alicia!'

I turn around as I hear him run up to me.

Far out. Have you ever noticed how completely gorgeous Lee is. I mean his dark chocolatey skin, his melting eyes. I have to stop for a moment and take a breather.

'What's wrong?' I notice that his hand in clamped in a fist.

'Oh, it's just… I wanted to give you something.'

'Oh,' I say to his smiling face. He really is quite tall you know. At least a head and a half taller than me. And I'm not all that short.

He takes a step towards me, and smiles once again, a little nervously if you ask me.

His hand that is clasped moves towards my cheek. He rests it there, and before I have time to ponder it, he delicately places his lips on mine.

My heart thumps, loudly. An explosion goes off inside me. But it's all over too soon and Lee is drawing back before I know it.

'How?' My question lingers.

'Fred and George…'

'Are loud dysfunctional buffoons.' He laughs. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, sending shivers up my spine.

'So, Alicia. Will you go out with me?'

I can't be bothered to answer, I just want to feel his lips on mine again, so I jut smile and place my hand on the back of his neck, lowing his lips to mine.

You'd think that Lee Jordan, friend of the two famous pranksters of the school, would be able to get a girl. Or at least have enough sense to be able to tell when a girl has the hots for him. I mean seriously, doesn't hanging around Fred and George have that sort of affect on you? You'd think so wouldn't you?

It turns out this is true in Lee Jordan's case. Lee Jordan, lets say, _could_ pick up a "chick" if his life depended on it. Because really, he's swept me off my feet.


End file.
